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Today is our 2nd month marriage anniversary. i hope we will have a happy and blessed marriage for the rest of our lives. still no junior in the picture. i hope you're not too disappointed darling!
Sunday, April 06, 2008
2nd Month Anniversary
Today is our 2nd month marriage anniversary. i hope we will have a happy and blessed marriage for the rest of our lives. still no junior in the picture. i hope you're not too disappointed darling!
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the Saga of the Lovebirds
Tell a story of 2 lovebirds, a match in heaven.
Only love and patience could survive a rift between lovers, plus a lot of prayers and God's will will love perseveres
Now a wind of change comes their way. ... a third person in the picture causes turbulence in paradise
Only love and patience could survive a rift between lovers, plus a lot of prayers and God's will will love perseveres
Maxwell Hill - Bukit Larut experience
Since the weekend has got an extra 2 days because of the Sultan's birthday we hoarded the bus, spent a night in Ipoh and took mak nun along with us to Bukit Larut in Taiping. it was a 30 minutes hair-rising experience on the 4wheel drive and i arrived on top of the hill feeling tipsy headed. not helping was aiza's and my motion-sickness! aiza nearly vomitted but the Piriton helped a lot.
Honey, i really envy you! not a trace of giddiness....
At the foot of one of the chalets, near the tulip garden. in the background are the lavender bushes.
it was 5.30 in the afternoon and it was misty. we had hot chocolates at the cafe.
the Splash
My children took to the water like the eels... the nearest public swimming pool was the Splash at the Taman Indera Putra near SUK building. the entrance fee is RM4 for school going children, RM3 for kindergarten kids and RM1 for accompanying adults. they also rent out floats according to sizes (the smallest being at RM2). no time limits. the best time to come is right after zohor prayers! much cleaner pool and less crowd.
Nur's 11th birthday
Nur celebrated her 11th birthday on Friday 21st March. we bought 2 one-half kg of chocolate and vanilla icing cakes, fried beehoon, made puddings, fried chicken nuggets and had lots of goody bags. several of her friends turned up and also the children from the neighbourhood. she was especially happy to receive a birthday wish thru sms from her Ayah am. Thanks honey! Good wishes go to Nur, may you have a long life, happiness and blessing of Allah always.
Aidid's sports Day
Aidid's kindergarten school held a sports Day. but look at him, teary eyed and watery all the time!
Aidid's kindergarten friend - ishran
Singpore trip again
It's time to be in Singapore again. Now for the 18th Anniversary of Singapore National Eye Centre. Interesting programmes and very practical too, this in parallel to the theme "Practical Ophthalmologist". It's quite noble seeing Singapore thru the eyes of my hubby who had nstepped on singapore's clean soil, was in awe with its cleanliness, so impressed by the republic's well disciplined citizens, and the state of developed nation singapore is now.
thanks to pfizer for the sponsor. Standing at the far right is Mr Louise Poh of Pfizer. You were a great host!
Malaysia's 12th General Election
Malaysia's 12th GE was conducted on the 8th of March 2008. It was my third time doing my bit in the effort to see democracy still runs in this country. i had lots of stories about election tall tales , but the ensuing weeks leading to election time were unbearably busy weeks so i was not able to pen down my memories and thoughts. suffice to say there are good people and bad ones everywhere. evil does not exclusively belong to UMNO, but we have to choose the lesser of two evils, right?
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Thank you Every ONE!!
i hope it's still not too late to convey izaham's and my heartfelt thanks to the whole family who were there to support us. we are embarking on a new life which we hope to be blessed by Allah SWT and added with your prayers, we hope we will weather love, and stand together in our new married life forever...
7 February 2008
Izaham's and me in dual celebration. also in tandem with the Gong Xi Fa Cai spirit we chose to be resplendent and wedded in red...
Sunday, January 13, 2008
Finally a woman's values show through..
The new year 2008 started badly for some people, certainly for Dato' Seri Chua Soi Lek, the ex-Health Minister and his family. he resigned from his office to the pressure asserted by the 'whiter than white', 'holier than thou' people of malaysia. the tumble down was attributed to a scandalous sexual relationship between him and his 'girlfriend' captured on a widely disseminated DVD.
if you were thinking that what a waste it was, yeah... it was not the first time you heard a man falls from disgrace due to a woman. still remember JFK, Nixon and clinton? they were US presidents, for god's sake. what with a mere federal minister, eh? hail to the wife, the unfortunate datin seri, whom was prepared to forgive and will stand by his man. typical female's reactions. whatever it is, you will there for your man, although it hurts, it bleeds you dry, you sob and and you wade in tears, but you do that secretly. in the open you show tremendous courage..
i know how it feels and i sympathize to the datin ser and many other women out there, sharing the same fate as we did. i have been dealt the same fate and i'm sure there are more women like us outside.. infidelity seem like a second nature to men. they must do it, soon or late. for some it is accelerated by fame and wealth, and to some it was barricaded by iman and love. but still the nature of a beast is to conquer and to show that they are lord and master. must be the cave-men genes! and how it has mutated into a monster!
to some unfortunate wives, if you cannot take it, leave it. there's no sense hanging on to a lost cause, girl. i'm saying it 'a lost cause' because if they have done it once, they will do it again, especially if they can get away with it the first time. it's just like a polygamous muslim man, if they have breached the milestone of marrying for the second time, then the third and the fourth would come so easily.
i know most women hold on to the institution of marriage although your heart breaks everytime and your pillow is wet by your tears every night you were left alone. but just think that, if you couldnt make yourself happy, how can you make others happy, your children, for instance? i know this sounds so selfish, but i think everyone should leave to the fullest and grab happiness for life is certainly short. for all you know, you wallow in self pity until one fine day you wake up and your days are numbered. then you will regret that you have missed so much.
but then it still depends on whether you can diagnose the two timing self centred beast soon or late. they can be so smug, they think a woman can be so gullible, huh. i guess after living with a man for some time, when you have woken up to his tahi mata daily, seeing him relieving himself in the toilet, seeing his bare ass everyday, it's not so difficult to read between the lines or to detect his mind was on some other girls. sometimes they think we are so stupid, which is their biggest handicap.
i read the tell tale signs easily, when my ex kept trying to lose my hands, attempting to play down the affection we always show in public, yeah no more holding hands lest it was seen by people now associated with the new woman.. the far away looks as if trying to remember other times spent with another woman, the excuses for not being home, less time spent together, and with the era of handphones... inserting new passwords and switching off the phones whenever he was in the toilet. also deleting all call lists and message inbox! he started to pick on the smallest tiny weeny details just to blow it out of proportion, as if trying to look for your weakness all the time. also may be daring you to leave him?
well i finally left him. i hope to all women still being psychologically suppressed, don't think that you cannot leave without him. act fast, for your own sanity.... in the end a woman has it in her to emerge as the victor! someone has said it before, behind every successful man there is a woman, behind every failed man, there are more than one women! it's their loss, our gain. think positive.
if you were thinking that what a waste it was, yeah... it was not the first time you heard a man falls from disgrace due to a woman. still remember JFK, Nixon and clinton? they were US presidents, for god's sake. what with a mere federal minister, eh? hail to the wife, the unfortunate datin seri, whom was prepared to forgive and will stand by his man. typical female's reactions. whatever it is, you will there for your man, although it hurts, it bleeds you dry, you sob and and you wade in tears, but you do that secretly. in the open you show tremendous courage..
i know how it feels and i sympathize to the datin ser and many other women out there, sharing the same fate as we did. i have been dealt the same fate and i'm sure there are more women like us outside.. infidelity seem like a second nature to men. they must do it, soon or late. for some it is accelerated by fame and wealth, and to some it was barricaded by iman and love. but still the nature of a beast is to conquer and to show that they are lord and master. must be the cave-men genes! and how it has mutated into a monster!
to some unfortunate wives, if you cannot take it, leave it. there's no sense hanging on to a lost cause, girl. i'm saying it 'a lost cause' because if they have done it once, they will do it again, especially if they can get away with it the first time. it's just like a polygamous muslim man, if they have breached the milestone of marrying for the second time, then the third and the fourth would come so easily.
i know most women hold on to the institution of marriage although your heart breaks everytime and your pillow is wet by your tears every night you were left alone. but just think that, if you couldnt make yourself happy, how can you make others happy, your children, for instance? i know this sounds so selfish, but i think everyone should leave to the fullest and grab happiness for life is certainly short. for all you know, you wallow in self pity until one fine day you wake up and your days are numbered. then you will regret that you have missed so much.
but then it still depends on whether you can diagnose the two timing self centred beast soon or late. they can be so smug, they think a woman can be so gullible, huh. i guess after living with a man for some time, when you have woken up to his tahi mata daily, seeing him relieving himself in the toilet, seeing his bare ass everyday, it's not so difficult to read between the lines or to detect his mind was on some other girls. sometimes they think we are so stupid, which is their biggest handicap.
i read the tell tale signs easily, when my ex kept trying to lose my hands, attempting to play down the affection we always show in public, yeah no more holding hands lest it was seen by people now associated with the new woman.. the far away looks as if trying to remember other times spent with another woman, the excuses for not being home, less time spent together, and with the era of handphones... inserting new passwords and switching off the phones whenever he was in the toilet. also deleting all call lists and message inbox! he started to pick on the smallest tiny weeny details just to blow it out of proportion, as if trying to look for your weakness all the time. also may be daring you to leave him?
well i finally left him. i hope to all women still being psychologically suppressed, don't think that you cannot leave without him. act fast, for your own sanity.... in the end a woman has it in her to emerge as the victor! someone has said it before, behind every successful man there is a woman, behind every failed man, there are more than one women! it's their loss, our gain. think positive.
Sunday, December 30, 2007
Kane & Abel
When Kane and Abel fought their ways and also against each other in their vast business enterprises and became each other's no 1 worst enemy, they couldn't have thought or imagined that someday Florentyna and William Kane would fall in love and be married and they become in-laws and share a grand-daughter.
Thus is the circle of life, fates or simply Qada' and Qadar. Although the principle remains simple, in real life the lesson is always bitter, torturous, heart-rending, often left a metallic taste in your mouth...
i am at the moment feeling utterly hopeless at my life's situation. i know that God is at the helm of things, isn't it much better to let things slide on its own? isn't it less troublesome to just let the events in your life being managed by the Almighty? Oh, the feelings of just letting go... that's awesome! OK, that's how i'm telling you how hopeless i feel. not that we as humans have any power to change how things go, but we were supposed to charge forward, form our own destiny with hopes and prayers, aren't we? i'm saying that i'm at my deepest end with hopes and prayers, i'd say i've tried my best.
the best way for any other people to learn a good lesson is to experience it themselves. the malays were very smart with their idioms, if i could refresh one saying: 'berat mata memandang berat lagi bahu yang memikul'. yeah, that would fit my predicament with my siblings at the moment. none of them have actually undergone what i've been through, i dont think they understood an iota of my problem. it's so easy to stand there in their lofty positions; to judge, to criticize and to issue orders.
i've made a lot of mistakes in the past, but my decisions were never intended to cause pain to others. there were honest decisions, my ups and falls - a beautiful myriad of life's experiences. i've learnt lessons others have never thought possible to learn from, bitter events that some people only read in novels - i've gone through them all.
who are you people to say that i've earned less than to live my own life? when you hide behind your sham of a living? behind closed doors - you suffer and you cry? you wish for the better, but you were scared for a change? i've never been a hypocrite and i will not start now. just to assert a little bit of my revenge, i hope that you will experience some of my misery so that you know... so that you learn a bitter lesson ... so that life teaches you one of its most expensive lessons; you cannot underestimate Qada' and Qadar.
Thus is the circle of life, fates or simply Qada' and Qadar. Although the principle remains simple, in real life the lesson is always bitter, torturous, heart-rending, often left a metallic taste in your mouth...
i am at the moment feeling utterly hopeless at my life's situation. i know that God is at the helm of things, isn't it much better to let things slide on its own? isn't it less troublesome to just let the events in your life being managed by the Almighty? Oh, the feelings of just letting go... that's awesome! OK, that's how i'm telling you how hopeless i feel. not that we as humans have any power to change how things go, but we were supposed to charge forward, form our own destiny with hopes and prayers, aren't we? i'm saying that i'm at my deepest end with hopes and prayers, i'd say i've tried my best.
the best way for any other people to learn a good lesson is to experience it themselves. the malays were very smart with their idioms, if i could refresh one saying: 'berat mata memandang berat lagi bahu yang memikul'. yeah, that would fit my predicament with my siblings at the moment. none of them have actually undergone what i've been through, i dont think they understood an iota of my problem. it's so easy to stand there in their lofty positions; to judge, to criticize and to issue orders.
i've made a lot of mistakes in the past, but my decisions were never intended to cause pain to others. there were honest decisions, my ups and falls - a beautiful myriad of life's experiences. i've learnt lessons others have never thought possible to learn from, bitter events that some people only read in novels - i've gone through them all.
who are you people to say that i've earned less than to live my own life? when you hide behind your sham of a living? behind closed doors - you suffer and you cry? you wish for the better, but you were scared for a change? i've never been a hypocrite and i will not start now. just to assert a little bit of my revenge, i hope that you will experience some of my misery so that you know... so that you learn a bitter lesson ... so that life teaches you one of its most expensive lessons; you cannot underestimate Qada' and Qadar.
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
Cairo oh Cairo!!
The visit to Cairo was planned in a haphazard way. Malaysia Airlines has stopped this line, so i had to choose Egypt Air or Emirates or pay so much more if i transit somewhere en-route if i fly the national carrier.
23rd Malaysia-Singapore Ophthalmology Congress
Organized by the Ophthalmological Scociety of Malaysian Medical Association and its Singapore counterpart. this used to be a 2-yearly event, however it has not been organized for the past 3 years. too many conferences! this time it was organized at the 5-star Sutera Harbour Resort. very posh! Thank you Alcon..
as of all ophthalmology meetings and conferences, it was a time to renew friendships and getting on with updates with what goes on with each other's lives. i somtimes think that we grab the opportunity to attend these meetings to do what we always like to do on other people's money. there was that banquet dinner and shopping at the Filipino market, the sea food restaurants, all the terubuk ikan masin and udang kering which must be filling the baggage, no wonder the plane smells really fishy!
Islands of the Argosaronic Gulf
we embarked from port of Piraeus early in the morning in the hope to get the best seats on board. i was anxious about getting seasick although i was assured that it was a big cruise ship, unlikely i would get inflicted. i still did took some anti-emetics anyway. so did the rest of us! we sure didnt want to embarrass ourself vomitting out onto the Aegian sea!no wonder amidst the loudy guests and the entertainment, our group were dozing off!
The islands we were visiting included Poros, Hydra and Aegina which are scattered on the Argosaronic gulf. the ship the Giorgios, was a very big cruise ship (a la Love Boat), with a bar, live band, music, meals and champagne provided on board. It was full house, there were a mix group of jolly brits, japanese and koreans, also some latinos. good mixture of culture.
fortunately the sea was very calm. the poros island had many sidewalk cafes. the houses as in Athens, were built dotting the hills. the roads were entertwining. we stayed for 40 minutes only.
the second island was Hydra. it was beautiful. there were a lot of donkeys, which are the transportation to the hilly residentials. there were more shops than in Poros. we stayed about 1 hour on this island. leaving Hydra we saw some firehouse and cannons put facing towards the sea, must be for the people's protection back in old days.
boarding the Giorgios, we were served our lunch. we were initially almost being served pork (which was the next table's order). after the confusion (Malezian, Malezian) the waitress was immediately corrected, we were served our smoked salmon, salad and fruit juice.
the last island was Aegina, which was equally beautiful. we stopped for about 2 hours. there were losts of shops and more activities here. the main attraction was of course, the octopus! we ate grilled octopus, tempura prawns, grilled cockles with lemon juice splashed on it which makes it so palatable.
Going back to the jetty on Piraeus, we were fast asleep on the coach, it was a very tiring day indeed with lots of sceneries and peoples faces swimming in your vision.
The islands we were visiting included Poros, Hydra and Aegina which are scattered on the Argosaronic gulf. the ship the Giorgios, was a very big cruise ship (a la Love Boat), with a bar, live band, music, meals and champagne provided on board. It was full house, there were a mix group of jolly brits, japanese and koreans, also some latinos. good mixture of culture.
fortunately the sea was very calm. the poros island had many sidewalk cafes. the houses as in Athens, were built dotting the hills. the roads were entertwining. we stayed for 40 minutes only.
the second island was Hydra. it was beautiful. there were a lot of donkeys, which are the transportation to the hilly residentials. there were more shops than in Poros. we stayed about 1 hour on this island. leaving Hydra we saw some firehouse and cannons put facing towards the sea, must be for the people's protection back in old days.
boarding the Giorgios, we were served our lunch. we were initially almost being served pork (which was the next table's order). after the confusion (Malezian, Malezian) the waitress was immediately corrected, we were served our smoked salmon, salad and fruit juice.
the last island was Aegina, which was equally beautiful. we stopped for about 2 hours. there were losts of shops and more activities here. the main attraction was of course, the octopus! we ate grilled octopus, tempura prawns, grilled cockles with lemon juice splashed on it which makes it so palatable.
Going back to the jetty on Piraeus, we were fast asleep on the coach, it was a very tiring day indeed with lots of sceneries and peoples faces swimming in your vision.
Athens
International Glaucoma Congress
organized in Athens 31 March - 3 April 2007
We visited the Acropolis which is atourist's must-see spot. stood in front of me was real life Parthenon - unfortunately some renovation works were still going on, Karyatides (the 6 maidens), temple of Zeus, etc. we also took pictures in front of the governor's mansion. we went to Plaka, bought souvenirs also took advantage of eating at the sidewalk cafes which are hallmarks of european cities. not forgetting dropped by the olympic stadium. as many stadiums (also some monuments on Acropolis), it's built is of a semi-circle. Thanks for a good time Steph!
pot.
Asian ARVO (Association of Research in Vision and Ophthalmology)
2nd Asia ARVO was organized in Singapore from 1 March - 4 March 2007
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
Case Series on Double Jeopardy
Case 1
I knew AA as my clinical specialist when i did my masters degree at Hospital K. he had a very presentable and sunny disposition. always soft spoken, smiling a lot and so easy to get on with. he was actually planning to set up his own medical centre thus his job with the Ministry of Health was already seeing the end of his services. at the same time i also knew of his wife Y, who is petite, very soft spoken, pious although a bit reserved compared to us, all bubbly girls. they had 4 children then. i imagined this marriage was solid as rock, looking at AA's and Y's personalities and financial independence. what could go wrong? most time i'd envy this couple with their serenity and their institution of marriage. i've heard rumours that at one time AA had been involved with The Other Woman while ding his masters dgree at a university in KL but somehow the affair was put a stop.
the latest news of AA that i heard, he is more prosperous, financially secure with 2 branch clinics (one building of his own), driving the latest Mercedes-Benz. also married The Other Woman (from now on will be referred as TOW), who happens to be his clinic assistant! He's still married to Y, though.
Case 2
This is a very well suited couple as far as the view from an external observer would allow (that's me). N and R are both medical specialists. N is astaff of a university while R is practising at a private centre. both are high earning jobs and has high seniority in their chosen fields. they have one son, 12 years old. i must say that as far as being liberal, modern and professional, N is without doubt your perfect candidate. she is also very pretty and kind.
2 years ago, R remarried without N's consent (yes, that can still happen here), which was when N was abroad. he married an air stewardess, rumoured to be a drinker and smoker. N was angry, while on an umrah, R agreed to divorce TOW on N's insistence. But, you think R did that? No way, they are still married and a baby on the way...
Case 3
He is a senior medical specialist, doing a further degree Down Under. he met Z, also a lecturer doing further degree at the kangaroo country. Too much frolicking or what? He married her last month! His wife, a staff nurse at our place had to agree to him moving to KL (to be with TOW). They have a 13 year old son.
Case 4
They met in medical school, fell in love and wanted to get married. but she is Malay, the boy is Indian-Muslim. as expected this met with extreme opposition from boy's family. anyway, there was no way you can stop a budding, young love, they got married. for the first 4 years she had to stop thinking about babies which she desperately wanted, fearing the wrath coming from husband's family. but boy's family really pressured him, wanted him to marry an Indian girl from Motherland, a relative, which would be the perfect match for their doctor son. he told her of this forced arranged marriage, then he divorced her. girl was down with depression, low self-esteem, came back to and further study for a masters degree. after some time, they rekindled their love affair which did not ebb away in spite of separation and his marriage to TOW, they remarried. now girl is having her 3rd child, she also happens to know TOW already has 3 children with her husband!
Case 5
she married him and discovered she was TOW! he was already married his first wife but the marriage was not registered. he neglected his responsibility , he was also quick with his hands. she couldnt except the deceit and the kind of life, she wanted out. he divorced his first wife, but rumour has it that he is having a relationship with a second TOW! now she's fighthing for her rights as a woman, mother and wife in the syariah courts. Good luck!
Amazing stories about men and the way they look at their role in a marriage. cant they cherish the woman they marry? cant they stay in love with the woman they promised to love and care? cant they be content with what they have?
I knew AA as my clinical specialist when i did my masters degree at Hospital K. he had a very presentable and sunny disposition. always soft spoken, smiling a lot and so easy to get on with. he was actually planning to set up his own medical centre thus his job with the Ministry of Health was already seeing the end of his services. at the same time i also knew of his wife Y, who is petite, very soft spoken, pious although a bit reserved compared to us, all bubbly girls. they had 4 children then. i imagined this marriage was solid as rock, looking at AA's and Y's personalities and financial independence. what could go wrong? most time i'd envy this couple with their serenity and their institution of marriage. i've heard rumours that at one time AA had been involved with The Other Woman while ding his masters dgree at a university in KL but somehow the affair was put a stop.
the latest news of AA that i heard, he is more prosperous, financially secure with 2 branch clinics (one building of his own), driving the latest Mercedes-Benz. also married The Other Woman (from now on will be referred as TOW), who happens to be his clinic assistant! He's still married to Y, though.
Case 2
This is a very well suited couple as far as the view from an external observer would allow (that's me). N and R are both medical specialists. N is astaff of a university while R is practising at a private centre. both are high earning jobs and has high seniority in their chosen fields. they have one son, 12 years old. i must say that as far as being liberal, modern and professional, N is without doubt your perfect candidate. she is also very pretty and kind.
2 years ago, R remarried without N's consent (yes, that can still happen here), which was when N was abroad. he married an air stewardess, rumoured to be a drinker and smoker. N was angry, while on an umrah, R agreed to divorce TOW on N's insistence. But, you think R did that? No way, they are still married and a baby on the way...
Case 3
He is a senior medical specialist, doing a further degree Down Under. he met Z, also a lecturer doing further degree at the kangaroo country. Too much frolicking or what? He married her last month! His wife, a staff nurse at our place had to agree to him moving to KL (to be with TOW). They have a 13 year old son.
Case 4
They met in medical school, fell in love and wanted to get married. but she is Malay, the boy is Indian-Muslim. as expected this met with extreme opposition from boy's family. anyway, there was no way you can stop a budding, young love, they got married. for the first 4 years she had to stop thinking about babies which she desperately wanted, fearing the wrath coming from husband's family. but boy's family really pressured him, wanted him to marry an Indian girl from Motherland, a relative, which would be the perfect match for their doctor son. he told her of this forced arranged marriage, then he divorced her. girl was down with depression, low self-esteem, came back to and further study for a masters degree. after some time, they rekindled their love affair which did not ebb away in spite of separation and his marriage to TOW, they remarried. now girl is having her 3rd child, she also happens to know TOW already has 3 children with her husband!
Case 5
she married him and discovered she was TOW! he was already married his first wife but the marriage was not registered. he neglected his responsibility , he was also quick with his hands. she couldnt except the deceit and the kind of life, she wanted out. he divorced his first wife, but rumour has it that he is having a relationship with a second TOW! now she's fighthing for her rights as a woman, mother and wife in the syariah courts. Good luck!
Amazing stories about men and the way they look at their role in a marriage. cant they cherish the woman they marry? cant they stay in love with the woman they promised to love and care? cant they be content with what they have?
Monday, September 10, 2007
Merdeka!
i feel compelled to write my piece on independence since this year marks the 50th year of our country's Independence from colonization. i've always felt that 'merdeka' means to have one's choice. although we're far from the permissive society like the west, women have taken a great share of accountability, respectability and responsibility in this country. it's all back to having been able to make your own choices in life.
on a personal note, i've been very free to make my own choices in marriage and career as i see them coming. i've been labelled stubborn and (may be) stupid whenever my choices were far away from the expectations of my family. i've been accused of selfishness, broke my parents' heart without a by-your-leave, caused a dent in siblingship, but i chose them anyway. i was not afraid of failure or losing. i just put my feet down and jammed on the accelerator, forth forward. it may be due to the impressional age and the environment which played a large part in my decisions.
i agree that i've mad countless mistakes, some have cost me wasted years, money, time, emotions but also there were some gratifying moments. my children, for instance are examples to show how my choice was blessed. the silver lining in the horizon was of course my miserable marriages, my emotional instability and my inarguably need to please and find reassurance. the latter could derive from the years away from my family when i had full residential schooling where the rule of thumb was you had to strive to be the best, well liked and most popular to gain attention.
while slipping from my teenage years to adolescent to a mature 20's and 30's years, my choices in life have been modified by previous experiences. i may not be that aggressive or so firm in my decisions anymore. i think it was high time to regain parental and familial blessing, less self-centred, think of my children more. therein lies a big dilemma in which i have to juggle in my career and future at the same time. some of life's choices at the moment are truly challenging to my noble intentions. i believe i have met my partner in life, which needs a lot of work to convince my family of my choice. i have to consider his presence in my planned future, or may be because of him i'm planning a future? i have to make decisions, i have to snap out of this melancholic rut and contemplate some fast decisions. i haven't been able to grasp back my usual self-assured and confident nature....
Choices, that's what being independent means!
on a personal note, i've been very free to make my own choices in marriage and career as i see them coming. i've been labelled stubborn and (may be) stupid whenever my choices were far away from the expectations of my family. i've been accused of selfishness, broke my parents' heart without a by-your-leave, caused a dent in siblingship, but i chose them anyway. i was not afraid of failure or losing. i just put my feet down and jammed on the accelerator, forth forward. it may be due to the impressional age and the environment which played a large part in my decisions.
i agree that i've mad countless mistakes, some have cost me wasted years, money, time, emotions but also there were some gratifying moments. my children, for instance are examples to show how my choice was blessed. the silver lining in the horizon was of course my miserable marriages, my emotional instability and my inarguably need to please and find reassurance. the latter could derive from the years away from my family when i had full residential schooling where the rule of thumb was you had to strive to be the best, well liked and most popular to gain attention.
while slipping from my teenage years to adolescent to a mature 20's and 30's years, my choices in life have been modified by previous experiences. i may not be that aggressive or so firm in my decisions anymore. i think it was high time to regain parental and familial blessing, less self-centred, think of my children more. therein lies a big dilemma in which i have to juggle in my career and future at the same time. some of life's choices at the moment are truly challenging to my noble intentions. i believe i have met my partner in life, which needs a lot of work to convince my family of my choice. i have to consider his presence in my planned future, or may be because of him i'm planning a future? i have to make decisions, i have to snap out of this melancholic rut and contemplate some fast decisions. i haven't been able to grasp back my usual self-assured and confident nature....
Choices, that's what being independent means!
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