Mum out of hospital

Alhamdulillah my mother who was diagnosed with acute on chronic renal failure, which was exacerbated by recurrent urinary rtract infections has come out of HUKM. while in the ward she had an intermittent peritoneal dialysis to reduce her escalating urea level which had amounted to 40 mmol, had also 3 pines of packed cell transfusion which had brought up her Hb level from 6.6 g/dl to 11.1 g/dl. her blood sugar which was at a critical level of 28 mmol also came down to 13 mmol. thank you very much to Datin Norella Kong, Dr Adam and Dr Shahada of wad 3 and all the caring staff for taking care of my mum while she was being admitted.

the week after she was home, the house was visited by all her neighbours, children and grandchildren non-stop.

Women are special...

over the weekend i managed to to watch a cerekarama entitled "Rendang Untuk Mertua" screened on TV3. in one of the scenes, this script was uttered between Marina (played by the aspiring actress Fazura) and her husband;

"Hawa dijadikan dari rusuk Adam untuk dijadikan teman. Bukan dari kepalanya untuk dijunjung. Bukan dari kaki untuk dijadikan sebagai alas. tetapi dijadikan dekat dengan lengan untuk dilindungi dan dekat dengan hati untuk dicintai".

many know that Islam is a religion which liberalize the position of women in the society. in the Quran there is even a surah entitled Annisa (women) and in the religion many aspects of women are being paid close attention to.

but why women are still being oppressed even when more women movement are fighting for women's lib? more women are being manipulated, abused, bullied, harassed, denied justice, looked at as men's playthings, etc.

there are women issues which are circulating in national newspapers everyday e.g Nurul the singer claimed that she had been divorced three times (what are her rights, what did she do) while singer-composer husband Ajai denied (which one is right?, in sydney women who did not cover their head was labeled 'exposed meat' (is this an accurate perception?), the free lance Mongolian model who was blown to pieces after a love gone astray (what sick people would do this), and many others.

men are supposed to be protectors of women and women who are bestowed with compassion, love and affection in their heart should cherish their counterpart. together men and women are supposed to live together in the blessing of God. Where have we gone wrong?

Maya getting married

Received a wedding invitation from my ex-CFCS student, Dr Maya Sapira who's getting married to a Muslim convert this weekend. what grabs my attention was the verses captured on the card which says:

Ya Allah Ya Tuhan kami... "Satukan hati kedua mempelai seperti Engkau satukan hati Adam dan Hawa, Yusuf dan Zulaikha dan seperti Engkau satukan Muhammad (SAW) dan Khadijah" Tetapkanlah kasih antara mereka selagi tidak melebihi kasih padaMu.

it was a reminder that the love existing between two hamba Allah cant ever rival that of the hamba with the Lord, who holds the power above all. which is fitting because everything that is on this world is on loan to us by Him. thus even if you love somebody that much, and if there should ever be a conflict, be very sincere and give God the prioprity above everything or everyone else...

"Doktor Dan Anda" at Kelantan FM

The topic was "Penyakit Mata di Kalangan Pesakit Diabetes". it was exciting to see what went on in a conti room. received few phone-ins but none to do with diabetic complications!!

Jamuan Raya Oftalmologi

Vartan is out of Alias

the new season of Alias was finally aired last monday. i was glued to the screen, watching jennifer Garner in action. my heart was beating fast to see how the drama will unfold. last season ended with the promise of a 'living happily ever after'scene of Garner-Vartan going away for a much needed vacation to resume their romantic interlude, when suddenly Vartan/Vaugh admitted to leading a double life and assuming a fake ID. shortly after that, their car was hit and audience was left shocked and dumbfounded (at least i was) with the revelation from the seemingly so cool and innocent Vaughn.

so the fact that our heroine was duped right from the beginning didnt sit well with me at all, i was so damned curious how JJ Abrams is going to end all the suspense(or add more?).

so our Vaughn was actually a double-spy? this sounds so familiar, the script looks like it was re-written (started when our heroine was leading her double life). and suddenly in the middle of an escape, our couple received the bomb-dropping news, Sydney was pregnant with their child!! wow, the plot became juicier here... but what a heart-wrenching letdown, after choosing such a magnificent name for their baby (why were they expecting a baby girl, anyway?) Isabel Bristow Vaughn, Vaughn suffered a ventricular fib and the cardiac monitors finally showed a flatline... questions like if he was suffering a critical multi-organ failure why wasnt he in an ICU, ventilated and machine-supported, i have learnt not ask, i was enjoying myself tremendously and wouldnt mind being sidetracked from the medical galore.

i was feeling disappointed between seeing my heroine without her man and now after showing her prowess at spying, high kicking, aerogliding, genius code breaking, lock picking, seductress, etc. she was going to show us the magic of motherhood, or glad that she got away from her spineless timid and overshadowed counterpart. frankly, i considered him not fit for the magnificent Sydney Bristow, anyway.

i cant wait for the next episode as Sydney continues searching for the person responsibled for killing Vaughn and made her baby fatherless....

Standing vigil...

lighting a candle for your loved ones at their time of leaving us behind...my experience at this was remote since it happened to me so many years ago; 12 years to be exact. i have not let these memories resurfaced until now. but for me it was not a premeditated thing since it happened quite sudden without a warning and he left just like that!

this memory must be evoked by at least four predisposing news of illnesses, one - my own mum who has gone for the worse again, second - my brother in law with his acute myocardial infarct, third - Pam Mc Evoy's mother in Sydney whom i heard is dying and fourth - Mireille's brother in Geneva who had a recurrence of lymphoma again.

i hope they will all turn for the better because standing vigil is unpleasant for the loved ones. we never know what to expect and the best to tackle this is; to hope for the best but be prepared for the worst...

Heart attack and forgiveness

i was surprised by an early morning text msg from one of my nieces telling that my brother-in-law was admitted to the coronary care unit at 4.00 am. it was in fact a jolt because as far as i know, other than his smoking of rokok daun my brother-in-law does not have any other vices or a medical condition. he has always been hale and hearty, in fact was actively involved in making house repairs and construction around his neighbourhood.

true enough he suffered from an anteroseptal infarct with inferior ischaemia. when admitted his blood pressure was on the low side and the chest pain persisted even with isoket and heparin infusions, which is a bad sign. he was planned for an angiogram cum angioplasty/kiv rescue CABG if they see a bad sign i.e 3-vessel disease.

when i went in to see his much weakened condition, i was astonished to see his pale face and immediately he went into a tirade as he predicted the cause of his almost fatal condition was because of 'somebody' whom he felt he had wronged. he had been trying to ask for this person's forgiveness and he was deeply upset that that person should felt slighted for a small misdeed that my brother-in-law didnt mean to and it has caused a deep wedge between them. he went on and on and i was alarmed at the increasing heart rate evident on the cardiac monitor for fear he would get another infarct!

i tried to console him to forget about this person whom didnot feel a slight remorse over the broken 'silaturrahim' or did not pay a heed to him. i asked him to lie down and not get agitated, but his monologue went on... until the cardiologist assumed he was crying because of the chest pain, and generously gave him a dose of morphine to sedate and alleviate the pain.

apparently my brother-in-law had been trying to see 'this person' to ask for forgiveness for which it proved furtile. he wished that he could see 'him' even for a second to clear the air between them. i saw his sincerity on his lined and wrinkled face, it brought tears to my eyes.

what really saddened me was the fact that this 'person' whom he was talking about was someone closest to me... ! and i still remember what he said to me this morning, "....he's doing the same to me too!"

to my brother-in-law, i hope you'll survive this physical ordeal. i hope you will continue the path to health and i'll always pray for you.

Too good to be true

may be once or twice in your lifetime
you get what you want
what you really wish for
and you want to clasp it near you
you want to make it forever yours
for fear if you let go
it will be forever gone

once in your lifetime
you meet your soul partner
out of time
out of nowhere
out of your wildest imagination

just bear in mind
on the face of God's earth
nothing or no one really belongs to a mortal
a temporary solution
to test your sincerity
your allegiance
to the Most Beneficient and the Most Merciful

some things are too good to be true
they are bound to be taken away
like an illusion
in the cold light of the day
God may test you yet again....

a harsh reminder
not all that you want
is best for you
and all that you detest
probably works for you in the long run
for God's ways
are twisted
and beyond our contemplation
a fate to encounter
a mystery to all

so be sincere
be honest
when you hand over your fate
into God's hands
pray that He leads you to the rightful path
the least hurtful to your soul
to allow you a drop of happiness
in an ocean of misery
for with Him lie all that's good and permanent

Hari Raya 2006 pictures

2 Syawal 2006

Ya Allah Yang Maha Besar
Aku hambaMu yang bodoh lagi lemah
Aku yang begitu jahil di sisi kebijaksaaan milikMu
tidakku punya akal untuk melihat perkara mendatang
hanya kepadaMu aku berserah

Sesungguhnya Ya Allah
aku akur akan kebesaran kuasaMu
jika Kau mahu matahari terbit di ufuk barat
tenggelam di ufuk timur
maka akan jadilah ia

Ya Allah yang Maha Mengasihani
aku hambaMu yang sangat mengharap
kurniakan sedikit kebahagiaan di duniaMu yang fana ini
hikmahkan kepada hambaMu yang hina ini
belas dan ikhsan dari limpahan kasihMu
telah lama hambaMu ini dicuba
dengan dugaanMu yang maha berat

Aku pasrah sujud di kakiMu...
Ya Allah Yang Maha Pengasih lagi Maha Penyayang.

A Meaningful Ramadhan

Today will be the last day of Ramadhan 2006. i welcomed this holy month of Ramadhan with an unusual zest. may be the joyous spirit came from somewhere deep within me which i wasnt aware of before. it emerged and blossomed turning this Ramadhan into a very meaningful holy month. as the song from Raihan goes:

Ku mengharapkan Ramadhan kali ini sungguh makna
Agar dapat kulalui dengan sempurna
Selangkah demi selangkah...

the philosophy behind Ramadhan is nothing new to me. has been hammered into me since i was taught the fundamentals of Islam, its teachings, the 5 pillars and i began fasting as early as 7 years. as i started to have family, the usual practice during Ramadhan is more or less accustomed to the way of the head of the family practises, hence it largely depended on my husband.

our usual practice during previous Ramadhans went something like this - we usually had sahur at 5 am (meals prepared by my maid Rudy) and we usually went to sleep again, sometimes waking up late for the Subuh prayers (shamefully i admit sometimes we missed). and then the fasting and breaking up of the fast, as usual is a big ceremony of stuffing yourself like you wont see another morsel of food the next 10 years! after the huge meal, we would be too full to go to the tarawih prayers. my husband usually gave it a miss. initially i went with Aiza & Nur, but after a while going alone often raised eyebrows (may be it was only my illusion) then i stopped going at all.

if anyone could have seen me this time, they will say like "dah buang tebiat dia ni", because i could feel this difference with us (my husband and i). i never missed the tarawih prayers, if i didnt go to the mosque, i would do it at home, plus other sunnat prayers. the book "Himpunan Sembahyang Sunat" which i bought a few years back was put to full use. we would often wake up early hours to do more sunnat prayers. from sunat taubat, to tahajjjud, hajat, tasbih, and istikharah, i tried to do all. i tried as hard as i might not to go to sleep again after sahur, but watched the many religious forum (al kuliyyah), motivation talks, etc which the the TV stations broadcast everyday. our meals were also prepared in a moderate way, i tried to contain myself from buying so much dishes which usually end up in the bin anyway. so how that's different this time. even my husband commented the other day, "this is the most different Ramadhan".

for this Raya celebration, as usual we will spend it in Kelantan. which is no difference from the previous years. despite my mum being ill, as i have often reminded my husband that he should consider celebrating it with my family in KL this year because this could be our last Raya with her, he remained silent and stubborn. or when he was more exasperated, he exclaimed "you can go back on your own, just leave the kids behind." ok, i'll not dwell on that... a totally different subject matter.

i called mak last night and in her weakened state, she admitted that she cant prepare the raya meals. usually she would make the ketupat or the ketupat pulut (for her son-in-law), rendang ayam and daging and her famous sambal kacang. so this year my Akak from Kuantan will be cooking for the family instead. as usual Musa and his family will come back for the occassion. Tapa, Munshi and Dyla will also be spending with my parents, then taking off to their spouses' destination (Ulu Yam, Mentakab and Melaka).it has been so long since i celebrated with my siblings and parents that if i were given the chance, i would be so totally out of element among them. anyway, no use to ponder about that because i dont know whether that time will ever arrive.

some Hari raya wishes from me;
- To Akak and Ust Nurdin; Muaz, Nabila and Muzammil
- To Musa and Umi; Hakimi, Kida and Shikin
- To OD and Abg Mat; Anis, Anas and Ami
- To Tapa and Dis; Ashraf, Ikhsan and Caca
- To Munshi and Ayu; Muhaimin and Aina
- To Dyla and Ery; Sharmaine and Adam
Selamat Hari Raya Aidil Fitri and Maaf Zahir Batin from Mak Uda & Pak Uda; Nur, Aiza and Aidid.

"Di hari raya
terkenang daku kepada si dia
kampung ku hijau nan jauh di mata
ayah serta bondaku ...."

Dendang Perantau (a perfect song for people like me).

FAQ

how can you hope something so right could start from something so wrong,
how can a lifetime of joy and bliss be expected out of an unblessed sanction,
how does a disobedient child be hopeful for an obedient daughter,
how could something so beautiful turn so ugly,
how do you salvage a failing constitution,
how do you heal a broken heart,
what do you do to broken promises, and a life full of disillusion and betrayal,
what do you do to save a crumbling dream,
do you wonder at what might have happened,
do you want to take up where was left off,
do you want to own up to failure,
do you have reasons to be strong,

do you want to go on....

Sense of despair

it has been a long, long time.... since the last update. now that this blog is treated as a cyber-diary, it's really difficult to find time and effort to update.

the latest would be - the episode where my mum got sick. since both my parents have never fallen seriously ill before, it created quit an alarm to all of us. i've just landed my feet from Sydney and had to rush back to Kuala Lumpur after hearing the news that she was too weak to even sit up and unable to eat anything.

i was glad to hear that all my siblings who lived far and near had responded to the call of distress. my eldest sister from Kuantan and my elder brother from Johor had already been with her earlier. all the rest who stayed near and around KL had gone to visit. thank you very much to Dis (tapa's wife)for providing help and attention to both abah and mak, Munshi & Ayu, Dyla & Ery, Ody & Abg Mat who have been there with our parents. while my family and I are too far away to provide care and attention on daily basis, we are only able to pray for their best.

i hope mak will slowly regain her health. i love you too much, mak. i dont want to lose you, ever....

sydney getting warmer

yes...! after all that 6-8 degrees of cold weather, it's getting warmer again. heralding the coming of spring. can't wait to see all the blooming buds of flowers. haven't done enough sight-seeing here.

Preparing for Sydney

These past 2 weeks were extremely busy as i was preparing myself for Sydney. particularly tying some loose ends here like handing over some of my duties to other colleagues, reviewing my students' papers, and also getting the finance side of it cleared.

also I'm going to transfer my kids to their grandparents' house in KL and that means transferring of their school. I expect they have to undergo a lot of this throughout my career. in fact Nur (my eldest) has undergone this twice. last 2 years she was transferred to Kuala Trengganu when I was working there.

Plus i have one or two patients who need a close observation. I did surgery last Wednesday with some complications. it seems that I have to pass this over to my colleague also. i pray that my patients will get better. next posting will be in Sydney, I think.

Busy weeks

the long gap in the entry is due to the busy past 2 weeks. on the 7th of June went to KL. i was upposed to attend the 21st Asia Pacific Academy of Ophthalmology Congress (APAO) in Singapore which began on the 10th of June, got confused about the dates. arrived in KLIA, presented my tickets and the staff was dumb founded, asked did i confirm my tickets. i was also puzzled by the query since i endeed had confirmed. finally revealed i came to the airport a day earlier!

anyway arrived in the Lion City at 2.00 pm checked in at Conrad Centennial Park Hotel. registered myself at the congress with a little delay since they couldn't find my name and whether i had cleared through the payments.

anyway, all hustle was cleared, i went to the exhibition, looked at booths with very simple displays. not quite what i expected. further enquiry led me to know that this congress which was hosted by our neighbouring country was a very expensive affair with exorbitant charges. no wonder the companies were screeching through, but still they managed...

moreover, learned from some trusted resources, they even refused to let Malaysians pay in Sing dollars, insisted on US Dollars! when were host last year, the Singaporeans got special discount, they were paying in ringgit!
that's something huh.... the difference of our ways..

Someone kissed my bump

while we were driving on the road towards selising in pasir putih, the car in front of us put on an emergency brake. i was lucky, just a mere inches away able to brake. in the few seconds i was praying my thanks to Allah, heard a big sound and my car vibrated. pulled away and saw the back bumper was crushed and angulated up. my god... the two young ladies on the motorbike was on the ground from the heavy momentum, and the bike had actually kissed the rear bumper.

can you believe it, the ladies didn't even have their licence, not wearing helmets and had no purse/wallets, and suffice to say no identity cards with them? Whether they were liars or so careless...

so there i was, too soft hearted to demand any payment from them, insisted their father's phone no. and till now no one is answering their house phone yet. am i being duped? not the first time....

Kelantan in national news

This week spread in the newspapers contained 2 big news from Kelantan which hit the national headlines. First, is the contractor from Tanah Merah who cut hit ehem! ...penis following an arguement from his jealous wife. I was dumbfounded to say the least. Since when the male species had to resort to self destructive way to prove himself an honest man? is the wommen now acquiring such powers to keep the XY chromosomes more home-bound? what men will do for women, for love, for the sanctity of the now not holy marriage institution?

The second news is conserning malaysia's darling and singing sensation Siti Nurhaliza. An old man in Pasir Putih claimed that he is the famous singer's father. my comment on this is ... he and his responsible family must have a good enough reason to cause heartache and unnecessary grief to the singer's family. I mean,, get real... if you can't prove with DNA paternity testing, get out!

Jogyakarta earthquake

I was slow in response to this major catastrophe in Central Java. the irony of it was, the much awaited major eruption from Gunung Merapi actually should be a warning to the geologist and the government of the impending disaster. who should be blamed for it? there should be some kind of a warning system similar like the tsunami warning system for this. as the central java is a highly populated area, this kind of major disaster will sacrife a lot of lives.

among the news regarding the earthquake that really attracted my attention was the ever readiness of our medical students to help out in the hospitals. medical students should be fully utilised in the field because they have the skills in suturing, wound dressing, nursing, putting bandages and POP, setting IV's and giving medication. this would also expose them to the reality of life although may be to some, is premature. parents should be proud to have their children working in the disaster areas, provided of course they remain in the safer areas.

i hope there are lessons to be learnt here and should be learnt fast by the Indonesian government. for the people of malaysia, although we are outside the boundary of the pacific line of fire (the areas with the volcanoes), we are never far from the threat of life, as has been proven before in Dec 2004 (tsunami). be thankful to God that we are safe now. for the indonesians who have lost their beloved, and also their properties, i pray for you...

My Team vs Malaysia & AF4

So finally the day came, how the mighty has fallen! 28th may 2006 - My Team vs malaysia. with baited breath we all waited to see how the new amateur team fare against the not-so 11 best of the malaysian team. the first 10 minutes saw what a struggle the new team had to go through the game. i guess they need more practice and not so prepared.

amidst all the politics in the Malaysian Football team, coming up with a new and fresh team from scouting thousands of hopeful football players, it was a commendable effort.

on the next TV, astro played the Prelude Concert of AF4. not difficult to select the talents there. some has none worth spoken of. i admit it was a disappointment to see the level of performance ...made you think is this the best of malaysian talents in the field? some have no identitiy, some too immature to launch a career (what do you expect, being mushy after 3 weeks separation from parents?). The rest need a lot to polish up.

we'll see the first concert next week!

School holidays start

In Kelantan today is the official start of the school holidays. Not only students are on holidays, my colleagues are also away taking the time to be off from the work pressure. Moi? My daughter has her extra tuition lined up, so there goes the holidays...

This is the time when there'll be influx of tourists and outsiders to Kota Bharu. As usual, there'll be extra traffic jam, extra crowd, extra patients, extra epidermic, and the most important.. the prices of goods will rise!

Tis' the weekend

Since in this state the weekend starts on friday, it's usually the 'all odd jobs day' for me. waking up early to prepare breakfast, going to the ward to see my admitted patients and finally going to the market...
usually at the Wakaf Che Yeh day market, we get the grocery shopping done at reasonable prices. also meeting up friends at a non-professional ground place also doing there chores..

At the fruit stalls..

We went to Wakaf Che Yeh again to buy more mangoes for my brother to bring home. at a stall the sign said "4 kg/ RM10". thinking it was a very attractive offer, we stopped. Then the vendor said this type of mango (which my brother had set his heart on buying) was actually selling at RM4/kg (lie No. 1). so we picked up some, but the vendor instead picked some of his choice (we had to just observe this because his hands were quicker and lighter). we went back and noticed that the ones he picked up (nearer at the top of the mound - quite out of our reach) were quite rotten (lie no. 2). the best thing was when he gave us the balance, it was short of RM5 (lie no. 3). i guess i shouldn't accuse another person of cheating, but i think it was close to that. furthermore in a state where there is such a discrimination, we being the 'outsiders' here are often the victims of such...

Still new at this...

Still finding ways to master this blog stuff. My sister at Karangkraf recently introduced me to blog writing, thank you sis.

My big brother came over from JB last two days to attend a course at one of the local hotels in KB. We went to visit the famous Pasar malam Wakaf Che Yeh. If you're a kelantanese you'd be familiar with this night market selling everything ... from vegetables, fruits to clothes and foods.

So we were just sitting at one of the food stalls and occupied our time looking at all the flies, they were everywhere!

Reflections of life and living across all borders...

Welcome to a journey encompassing friendships, relationships, career, family and professional interests...