i still can't get over the memories of my mum and her passing... i still am in some sort of a denial state. it's still so hard to accept the fact that she's never gonna be there anymore.
A Mum ... she's always there, you know. right from the beginning of you, she carried you in her womb for 9 months, completely sheltering you in her body, providing the essence, the nourishment, the bones and flesh that makes you.
after giving birth(that's another excruciating moments for her.. if you had ever given birth, then you would know. otherwise you'd have thought it was easy labor -- push, push... and the baby comes out!).
during your growing up years, she was there to undergo the trials and tribulation of handling your years or rebellion, while you develop your own person and in the process saw through all your mistakes and how you come out of it.
then the 20's and 30's something of your years where you make more mistakes and derive some success, however big or just minimal, you know that she would always be there for you. that's a MUM for you, no rooms for more capital letters, it surpasses all of that in this world and beyond. and the fact is, my mum was all that and more.
to this date i'd still remember her words on 'not mingling too much' or just minding your own business was still the best policy in life. ok, she lived in the city of Kuala Lumpur, you would expect a city dweller to say that. but in Bandar Tun razak, which is as much as a kampung, by a standard of living, there was aaways rooms for envy, jealousy and stabbing in the back occuring, rivalling a soap opera. but my mun, she always stayed clear of gossipping. "Mak paling takut kalau orang datang rumah, nak cakap apa-apa pasal keluarga, atau anak-anak", fearing the worst. so i guess, that's one policy i will always abide by.
my mum has lived in difficulty most of her life (and till her end). she was brought up by my grandmother (read my earlier posting), who would be no easy character to live with. when she married my father, he was just a labourer, working at an ice company in sungai besi. she delivered 3 babies and they moved to the squatters area at Kampung Seri Medan @ Kg Konggo. there they moved 2-3 times, as most squatters did. she delivered another 3 babies, including myself. i still remember accompanying her to the woods to look for kayu api for cooking. we reared our own chickens and slaughtered them for hari raya, after an afternoon of trying to capture these ahthletic animals! we used well water and diving in the pond was a good exposure at swimming for my brothers and sisters. never you mind what sort of organisms they ingested in those ponds!
when we went collecting kangkung and daun tempe, we were hounded by the dogs, whern we learnt to make the run of our lives! my mum was enterprising, she made tempe, kerepek ubi, cakar ayam and tapai ubi on her own and it was my job and tapa's job to sell them in the neighbourhood. we baked our own raya goodies (i still had the hot iron stamp on my left knee). my mum was always the one on guard for the ration of water for our house when the time came for collecting from the sole tap shared by about 5-6 houses in vicinity (the time was always around 9-10 o'clock in the night).
my mum was an expert on making all the malay cookies, karipap, bingkang, kuih bakar, kuih kasturi, bubur, and her fried mee hun and mee were simply mouth watering. no wonder, because she had to earn for the family. when we moved to bandar tun razak, my mum's health started to deteriorate. but she still had to earn for the family. when we had to pay for the house, the electricity, water and the money was not enough to send us to school, she became the day-maid to several houses in Taman Midah. this work involved ckeaning house, washing, ironing for those affluent neighbourhood. the distance she had to walk from taman midah to bandar tun razak, would make me lose 10 kg anytime, i think. she brought back enough to send us to school, and after a while, she started her own stall selling fried bananas, by the road side.
my mum was always thinking nutrition for her kids. so while you wonder if you were ever going to eat nutritious food, yep, she would buy from the satay man, the bony skeletons of the chickens and cooked delicious soup. she would buy fruits and vegetables at half the price from the dwellers.
when my mum's kidney started to deteriorate from her diabetes, i was going through the most tragic phase of my marital life. i would always be thankful for her silent encouragement and support. with her i could always depend on family when bad things happened, as if i could never do wrong in her eyes, but was all just bad luck, one after nother. and she was there when i tied the knot with Am despite being ill and unwell to travel, she came to Kota Bharu, for the last visit.
i could never get through this phase of my life easily, missing her so much. she was no longer there for the recipes, just to hear her relating news about the family, the brevity of words, very matter of fact - her own specialty.
i pray to Allah that she will have the easiest journey meeting her Maker and placed in an honoured position as she has done her very best by me and my siblings and she was exemplary in her living and going....
Al Fatihah
I've just noticed that i'vent put up aiza photos when he was being circumcised at GH Penang last year. it was done under general anaesthesia
